trust

What an easy concept, right? ha. yeah. 

Wrong. 

I'm not talking about trust in people though. I'm talking about trust in myself. And in my Heavenly Father. You'd think that I would have gotten the hang of it by now, but I still struggle every single day. Being unemployed in a new state with rejection emails flying at you left and right does a thing to your trust, self esteem, and faith. To me, trust has always been linked to faith and if you've been reading this blog for a while, you know I've always struggled with my faith. 

Especially lately. Which is weird because I've felt more secure and happy than I have ever felt. But I can't seem to get that feeling transferred into my relationship with my Heavenly Father. 

I've alway been a shy kid and new experiences stress me out and overwhelm me ridiculously easy. And the past four weeks have been nothing but new experiences. I especially struggle with social interaction. Social anxiety is what I've been told I have. It's really hard for me. Like this past Sunday. I'm in a new ward (kind of like a school in the wider scheme of things. Schools make up school districts and wards make up Stakes. Does that make sense? ha.) and I've been struggling. I woke up Sunday morning with an awful pit in my stomach. The thought of facing so many new people on my own was overwhelmingly scary and I sat on the couch for a long time willing myself to get ready for Church. I called my mom on the verge of tears, hoping she'd give me a pep talk like she always does. I was scared. Crying. Near panic attack mode really. 

But then my mom said something to the effect of 'honey get your act together and get on with your life'...No, I'm kidding. It went something like 'honey, you need to trust God. If you truly believe Him to be your Savior then you need to have a little faith in Him. He's brought you this far without incident, right? So trust him.' 

And I did. And I made it to Church, met so many new people and it wasn't even half bad! :) I'm really glad Heavenly Father has given me the amazing mother that I have. Its because of her that I trusted God that day and went to Church despite intense anxiety over meeting people. 

I'm starting to cry as I write this because without even knowing it, my mom strengthened my testimony on Sunday. Heck, I didn't even realize it until just this moment. 

"The Lord is my roc, and my fortress, and my deliverer; my God, my strength, in whom I will trust; my buckler, and the horn of my salvation and my high tower. I will call upon the Lord, who is worthy to be praised; so shall I be saved from mine enemies."

Psalm 18:2-3