Finding My Faith - part 4

(this series is turning out to be longer than I expected. I'm almost done though. Thank you to anyone/everyone who took the time to read all of these.) 

On that note...you know the drill. 

part 1

part 2

part 3

The weekend after my first Sunday at Church was General Conference. Instead of going to the stake building to watch it, I decided to stay at home and watch it. Elder Albright was telling me about it and told me to write down questions before hand. He promised me that if I listened and allowed myself to feel the spirit, I would get answers to my questions. And wouldn't you know it, every single one of my questions were answered over the weekend. I mean all of them. Even the extremely specific to my own personal life questions. 

I had also asked Heavenly Father if this was the True Church and should I be converting. The very first (or one of the first, I forget now. Just kidding, it was the fourth speaker, Elder Claudio M Costa) speaker started out with the words "I am a convert to the church." 

Talk about answers to my prayers. I was in the kitchen doing dishes and listening to the live stream on my laptop. I literally stopped everything I was doing and stared at my computer. Did that just happen? I think I even dropped the sponge I had been holding. 

A few weeks passed and I was meeting the missionaries on a regular basis. I really came to like those visits. I learned so much from them and had started reading the Book of Mormon, journaling and praying every night. It was finally working for me and I really liked where I was beginning to go in life. Sure, I had doubts once in a while but they weren't major. 

When the missionaries asked me if I would set a date and commit to be baptized I hesitated. Was I ready for this? I didn't want to take such a big lean before I was ready. For me, it wasn't really a matter of if I was going to join but when. I wanted to be prepared. I told the missionaries and they wanted to set a date anyways and said I could change my mind. They told me to pray about it and read the scriptures for guidance. I did and knew that I would be ready by then. 

I realized I had to tell my mom that I wanted to convert. That scared me. What if she was disappointed at my quick decision? What if she doubted my decision? What if she doubted me? It took me a few days to work up the courage but finally, one night, I just felt the need to tell her. I knew it was time. At first, she was nervous and told me that I had made this decision so quickly and did I want to take more time to explore other religions. In a word, no. I didn't want to look at anything else because deep down I knew that this is where I belonged. In the end, she was extremely supportive. She even insisted on driving out to where I live 2 hours away just to go to the baptism. I was overwhelmed with gratitude. Making the decision was so much easier knowing that I had her support. 

Over the next few weeks I continued to pray, journal, and read my scriptures. Every single day I felt stronger in my decision. I knew this was right. I was scared though. I was scared because I knew the adversary was going to try his hardest to change my mind. I knew he was going to want me to reject the Gospel and return to my old ways. I wouldn't couldn't let him win. Eventually, I had to get my baptism interview. It was cold and snowy when I drove to the chapel after work. I had taken a little extra care to look presentable. I knew that this was a special occasion. A missionary that I had never met conducted my interview and I felt the spirit with me the entire time. We knelt in prayer after the interview and the missionary informed me that I had passed! I was so excited to go and tell my two missionaries the wonderful news. They were just as excited as I were. 

My baptism was ON! :) 

I woke up the morning of and was a nervous wreck. I really hate being the center of attention. I really do. It made me nervous thinking that there were going to be people at my baptism that didn't even know me. Being the center of attention is something I like to avoid. My mom drove to my apartment and then we went to the chapel together. We arrived early and I introduced my mom to the missionaries, brother R and his family, and the rest of the people that were there. 

I changed into the hideous  a white jumper think that the church had on hand. I met my mom and everyone else in the chapel to start the services. Two sisters (whom I had never even met) gave beautiful talks on the Holy Ghost and on baptism. At one point, I nearly started crying because I was so happy. Elder Riley saw it and whispered "it's okay to cry you know". (or maybe it was my mom that whispered that to me? Either way it calmed me down) 

After the talks, we went into the Relief Society room that was attached to the baptismal font. The water was warm an barely reached my waist. I remember walking into the water and everything disappearing. I tried my hardest to remember each feeling and thought that bounced through my head. Brother R said a few words and then it was time. 

Elder Riley baptised me. I don't remember much but I do remember the feeling. It was a deep sense of peace and calm. When I emerged, I couldn't even focus on what Brother R was saying. All I could do was marvel at how wonderful I felt. I got out of the water and went into the ladies changing room. When I closed the door I stopped. I stopped and looked up at the ceiling and said "Thank you. Thank you so much" Those words barely did my emotions justice though. 

I went away that day feeling so at peace. I didn't have an earth shattering moment when I was washed clean. I didn't see God in a pillar of light. I didn't hear his voice. But I did feel the Spirit. I felt Heavenly Father's  happiness at my choices. I knew that I had made the right decision. 

Since that day, my testimony has grown so much. I know this Church is true. I know that Joseph Smith was a prophet of God and that he was sent to this earth to restore Heavenly Father's one true church on this earth. I know that I am a daughter of God and that he knows my name. I believe in the Atonement and know that because Jesus Christ died on the cross, I am saved. If I continue to live my life obediently and faithfully and that if I endure to the end, I will move beyond the veil one day and see Heavenly Father, Jesus Christ and all of the amazing saints that have gone before me.